Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
