More tranny stories later!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
