i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
