Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
