dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize