Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
