That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
