He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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