i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
