My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
