So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
