Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
