Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
