You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize