How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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