Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
