i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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