About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
