with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
True college students do jello shots in the library
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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