the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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