elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
