The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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