He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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