i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you inspire me to be a worse person
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
