Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
