The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
