Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
