I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
