I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm like, not good at living.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
