why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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