That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize