Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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