Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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