how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
