Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize