You made me cry and you don't even care
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
