Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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