sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
