I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
