also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
