I bet he comes in French.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
