smell my finger.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
