i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
