you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
