Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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