you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
