I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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