You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
worst night to have a conscience
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
