apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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