He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
