I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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