haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
