we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
