Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
