If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize