you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
