i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize