mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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