Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize