Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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