My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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