they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
