I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize